Lowlights of Sasha Swire’s Diaries – the first half

“there is even a website (East Devon Watch)  which perpetuates a new type of politics – one that encourages paranoia and hate.  We need to expel this extremism …!”

(The Toilet Seats are identified in this half)

Lowlights of Sasha Swire Diaries – first 50%

One of Owl’s correspondents kindly offered to undertake the onerous task of reading the “salacious” diaries.

Here is a summary of the lowlights of the first half of the book.

(Owl’s correspondent now deserves to lie down in a darkened room for a while).

Year 2010

Kindle version – numbers relate to Kindle location

92: Men + power = whores

110 Hugo liked being called Minister very much and kept asking S to say “Yes Minister

126 – loved having two bodyguards

232 – when he asks her to do something she doesn’t want to do, he says he should because she is his wife.  She retorts that the taxpayers pay her and he can see her contract if he wishes

257 – people ignore her because she is just an MPs wife – but she “carries revenge in her heart forever”

294 – her mother-in-law, the Dowager Marchioness Townsend informs her mother that she will be accompanied by her butler on a visit.

(Various) many bigwigs entertained at the rented home in Sidbury including PM, Gove, Osborne, etc where they often seem to get very drunk (472)

546 – He spends 3 days a week in Northern Ireland.

658 – the Queen ignores her, S thinks she is seen as “small and irrelevant.

745 – Hugo buys a Jeep Cherokee “for image reasons”.

783 – he and Cameron and Osborne stay up to watch Keira Knightley’s nipples in a film

816: Forestry Commission – biggest despoilers of land.

899 – finds out a “smelly Libdem” has stayed in their Government-owned and allocated flat in Northern Ireland.

1049 – the testicle-grabbing incident (grabbed by Sasha).

“324 – H’s new job in FO described as “running the world”.

1879 – West Hill Conservatives AGM – members complain it is like Hugo “has disappeared off the planet” as “not seen all year.  Average age: 70s, they by and large “hate foreigners, Europe, defence cuts, gay marriage, Liberals, BBC, Germans, Japanese and garlic”.  “H has fallen out of love with these people.

1969 – East Devon Scouts Day – the toilet seats are Anne and Graham Liverton because they are always “up and down at town (sic) council meetings”. [Owl flushes out a relevant local news story “Councillor quits over humiliation of wife”]

1991 – Graham Liverton “a symphony in green … think John Inman in “Are You Being Served”.

2129 – it’s 2014 and H wants to go – sounds out a headhunter about other jobs.

2460 – Claire Wright causing no end of trouble, quite a good operator, attacks Hugo personally, infuriates Sasha.

2500 – First pre-election hustings – H says hello to everyone except Ms Wright.

2522 – the notorious “benefits auction” where H makes joke about those on benefits not being able to buy his honey, a jar of which sells for £15,000.

2532 – Claire Wright exploits it “like a rat up a drainpipe”

2572 – Hustings in East Devon “quite tiresome” H tries not to be riled by Claire Wright.

2015

2572 – Claire Wright’s supporters intimidating officers regarding postal votes.  [EDDC CEO and Returning Officer] Mark Williams “irritated”.  East Devon Alliance is “causing no end of trouble.

2016

3317 – Claire Wrights supporters are “intolerant” – “there is even a website (East Devon Watch)  which perpetuates a new type of politics – one that encourages paranoia and hate.  We need to expel this extremism …!

3542 – (post-election) Hugo is miffed that he is to be sacked by May.  Defies the whip to “return to mid-Devon as he wants to have a good summer”.

3654 – Fundraiser at Woodbury Golf Club – “hideous development”, poor turnout (52).  All stand for the loyal toast except Jill Elson and her sister who try but fail to stand up.

3647 – They have ended their relationship with “Express and Echo” because it is too pro-Claire Wright.  But S says they no longer need them.

Darryl Nicholas (Mayor Exmouth) wants to be new MP.  S notes that Darryl’s “chaotic love life” has settled down.

S dances with the “alarmingly right-wing Colonel Peter Morrison from Westhill.

Graham Liverton draws the raffle – in a high camp manner like the dame he is going to play in pant.

But …”we do love each and every one of them”.

3985 – Bloody year .. the Claire Wright agenda and worse.

2017

Hugo is at a dinner with Duchess Camilla, he drinks too much, she congratulates him on his election, he says “Do you mean my erection?” and she is not amused.

4208 – the terrorist attack outside Parliament – MP Tobias Ellwood goes out and gives first aid to a policeman, Hugo wishes it was him

4261 – Another election in the offing but “H doesn’t have all his ducks in a row [to stand down]” and “we have to take on Claire Wright again with all her cronies spreading their bile about us”.

4322 –  11 May Claire Wrong (stet) is up and running … even has a Campaign Manager, pitching it as a David and Goliath contest, which is hilarious since she has well over 500 helpers and we have one: Toby.  She’s energetic, she gets herself around social media nimbly… We still have the same bunch we had 20 years ago, now 89-99.  Hugo incandescent – one email sent out [by his “campaign”] says he will be on the campaign trail every day – except they sent it to Wright herself”.

4344 – Peter Faithfull – a shiny new nutter – also standing.

4382 – why don’t I canvass with Hugo “I can’t bear the aggression to H”.

Mother-in-law canvasses for H – “gets the usual 20% negative – we never see him around here”.

4415, Election night, Sidmouth.  SS doesn’t have her HRT patch on her leg.  Express and Echo tells her to “go away” when she tries to woo them away from Claire Wright.

Claire Wright also tells H to go away while she is doing an interview and he wants to interrupt her.  “Claire Wright’s henchmen start to circle around me.  Clean fight my arse …”

 

One thought on “Lowlights of Sasha Swire’s Diaries – the first half

  1. I notice her comments about Darryl Nicholas being the mayor of Exmouth are about 5 to 7 years out of date. Not sure if this undermines any faith in the accuracy of her recollections. Perhaps he might have wanted to be the next MP but I imagine regarding the other comments he may be after some of her royalties.

    Like

Leave a Reply to Mark Hawkins Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.