Postcard from Papua New Guinea

“Back to Blighty where Boris Johnson, money launderer to the Tsars, clings to his position as Rishi Sunak’s house-sitter.”

How the other side of the world sees Boris Johnson, his government and ultimately us. – Owl

See Tweet here. [Full text reproduced below for clarity.]

Text reads:

Letter from London

from Our Own Correspondent

Back to Blighty where Boris Johnson, money launderer to the Tsars, clings to his position as Rishi Sunak’s house-sitter.

The natives are as oblivious to the never-ending decline of this erstwhile superpower as they were when they first watched Zulu. But since Partygate, it has begun to dawn that electing a rococo gigolo to guide them through a pandemic, imminent world war, economic crisis and environmental systems collapse, was not the smart move the metric-averse once thought it to be.

Some of Johnson’s henchmen are buckling too. When 8-bit shaman Dominic Cummings invoked the sacrament of moral conscience, several MPs who hitherto had been labouring to disenfranchise refugees, disability claimants and the working poor, suddenly felt unable to follow a nonce-bantering PM and began the brutal defenestration rite of licking Basildon Bond envelopes and giving them to Graham Brady.

Only the hardcore remain: those for whom employment in another Cabinet would be inconceivable, the likes of Nadine, Grant/Michael, and Jacob, counsellors to a man who has never known friendship, a gang of acolytes so sycophantic as to make Mugabe blush. These bunker girls and boys speak only in platitudes, severing words from meanings and reciting cliched phrases in the hope that nobody will notice how stupid they are. In such a climate ‘vaccine rollout’ becomes ‘your living costs are going through the roof’, ‘levelling up’ means ‘we partied while you watched your mum die on Zoom’ and ‘sorry’ translates as ‘fuck you’. The great classicist needs them. But they may prove to be his Achilles elbow.

Downing Street, where near-hourly resignations are spun as decisive leadership, is giving off strong Downfall energy. It seems increasingly likely that unless they can lure him out with a crate of Estrella, Boris Munchhausen will be supergluing himself to the Lulu Lytle wallpaper before anyone is found with the special skills needed to convince him to go quietly. That’s OK though. Rishi can afford to redecorate.