Hugo Swire – 2023 Speech on the Australia/New Zealand Trade Bill and Maiden Speech in the House of Lords (Baron Swire) 

Business as usual for the Baron, too grand to do anything parochial for his constituency or Devon, even when he had David Cameron on speed dial.  The maiden speech made by Hugo Swire, Baron Swire, in the House of Lords on 9 January 2023.

Instead of reading his speech Owl thought readers might prefer to cheer themselves up with a singalong to this little ditty (original lyrics composed in Torquay).

“Jolly voting weather,

The toffs are on their knees,

Labour forever,

Down with moats and sleaze!

Swing, swing together,

The election will be a breeze!

Swing, swing together,

The election will be a breeze!” [lyrics Ron Scuttle]

Floreat Etona!

[Correspondents are invited to produce their own version.]

2 thoughts on “Hugo Swire – 2023 Speech on the Australia/New Zealand Trade Bill and Maiden Speech in the House of Lords (Baron Swire) 

  1. I see he has also been busy pursuing benefits and rights for those like him who keep a few bees. More concerned with the money to be made than the contribution to nature it seems to me.


  2. Nightmares from Downing Street
    with a nod to W S Gilbert

    We’ve been having bad dreams/ where most everything seems
    to be all up the spout for our nation.
    For the last dozen years/ we’ve been shedding our tears
    feeling helpless and in desperation:

    Part One: Austerity and Deregulation

    First was Austeritee/ with no prosperitee,
    building houses without regulation;
    With state assets sold off/ to some posh Tory toff
    and big rises in privatisation;
    Planners ruling the roost/ with their big profit boost
    and the planning laws known as their charter
    For they give Tory friends/ some of their dividends
    quid pro quo or as exchange-and-barter.
    Yet relaxed planning laws/ were the most likely cause
    of the fire that consumed Grenfell Tower –
    If you de-regulate/ curb the pow’r of the state
    then the guilty ones are those in power.
    With the gap wid’ning more/ twixt the rich and the poor
    and with many more living in poverty
    And with house prices high/ only rich folk can buy
    a second or luxury property.

    Part Two: Swinging Further Right

    A proposed EU law/ to tax cash held offshore
    gave rich Tories the real heebie-jeebies
    So they funded Vote Leave/ their vile ends to achieve
    and the public all thought they’d get freebies.
    Thus did Johnson-Farage/ trick the public at large
    by declaring we’d get “sov’reigntee”*
    For the UK would be/ from the EU laws free
    and our country a land full of plenty.
    With their lies they deceive/ and persuade folk to leave
    so dividing the whole country – “Me:You”;
    They blame all the wogs/ and the Krauts and the Frogs,
    claiming evils all stem from EU.
    Boris, Lord of Misrule,/ found it easy to fool
    the public who liked Right-Wing Tories.
    He had said every Turk/ would soon take all our work
    and Joe Public believed such tall stories.
    This enabled a liar/ to rise ever higher
    until he became our Prime Minister;
    Though there were many folk/ thought it all was a joke
    it really was terribly sinister.
    For he lied and he lied/ and his crimes he denied
    while his chums gave him all of their backing

    Until one more scandal/ that he couldn’t handle
    meant that this time the crook was sent packing.
    His successor was worse/ like a witch or a curse
    and with each of her ministers a crony;
    Though less charismatic/ she was more fanatic –
    and, most likely, a crook and a phoney.

    Part Three: Where Are We Now?

    Tories said we would be/ a much richer country
    because many had voted for Brexit
    But what we now see/ is a far worse country
    and that’s all because Brexit wrecks it.
    So we’re now on our own,/ welfare cut to the bone
    and all our economy’s weaker;
    They said “All would be well”/ but it’s turned out a hell
    and all of our prospects look bleaker.
    Nearly all prices rise/which is not a surprise
    as we’ve made it much harder for trading
    And, though few will admit/ that we now deserve it
    all the chances for profit are fading.

    Health and Care on their knees/ and those high mortgage fees
    And low pay making more/ join the ranks of the poor
    including key workers like nurses.
    Now with tax-hikes galore/ while the pound hits the floor
    And with welfare hit more/ for disabled and poor
    it also means CUTS IN OUR PURSES…


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