Exclusive: the drug of choice for Tory rebels

Hopium – a judgement altering hallucinogenic derived by distilling minced facts and discarding all but the most volatile condensate, the so-called opinion fraction. Dulls the critical faculties.

Usually taken aurally in tea rooms and bars, especially in the Palace of Westminster.

Particularly effective in those of a conservative and rebellious disposition, especially with libertarian tendencies.

Common side effects include: delusions of infallibility and loss of sense of reality.

Contraindications: not to be taken by anyone seeking to be taken seriously. 

Suppliers can be found through various WhatsApp groups and from any registered Tory Shaman.

(With acknowledgements to London Playbook for seeding the idea)