Give this local reporter a knighthood!
‘I may have got things wrong, I may have been mistaken, but I’ve never tried to deceive people’.
“Boris Johnson dismissed workers as “drunk, criminal and feckless” in a rant that exposes his class hatred.
The slurs, written when the PM was a journalist, emerged as he targets working-class votes.
He dismissed working-class men as “likely to be drunk, criminal, aimless, feckless and hopeless”, and single mums as “irresponsible” in a sickening magazine column in 1995, which emerged yesterday.
Mr Johnson wore a blue collar to be snapped in a butcher’s on the election trail in North Devon and Plymouth yesterday.
But Labour chairman Ian Lavery, an ex-miner standing in Wansbeck, Northumberland, said of his outburst: “These are outrageous remarks from a man out of touch with reality and whose ignorance and hatred of working-class communities knows no bounds. …”
It seems a trip to Dart’s Farm (where he was today) was more important than the global climate emergency!
“We are too far down the rabbit hole now to even know if a line has been drawn. There are so many lines now it is as if all our little lives have been tapped out and cut up with Michael Gove’s bank card.
So we can only repeat, as a statement of fact, that today was the day when the prime minister began threatening to shut down actual TV channels for the crime of his own complete moral cowardice.
It is impossible to say whether we have already gone this far before. But this is where we are.
Boris Johnson refused to take part in Channel 4’s “leaders debate” on the climate emergency, just as he has refused to be interviewed by the BBC’s Andrew Neil, and also refused even to be interviewed about whether or not he has refused the BBC’s Andrew Neil.
Where his podium should have been, Channel 4 placed a melting ice sculpture. The Conservative party sent Michael Gove in his place.
There is some uncertainty over who refused to allow Michael Gove to take part. Was it Channel 4 themselves? Was it the other party leaders? Given the other party leaders have done interviews with Andrew Neil, and Boris Johnson is refusing, they can hardly be blamed for not being the enablers to Boris Johnson’s utter shamelessness for a second time.
Gove, naturally, has responded by telling Jeremy Corbyn he’s scared. A good time to remember Michael Gove, who is less a human being and more just the Oxford Union accidentally made flesh, also likes to claim that the referendum was all about making the UK more welcoming to immigrants.
Still, the actual grownups over at the Conservative Central Office have responded by launching a formal complaint with Ofcom, and threatening to have Channel 4’s public broadcasting licence revoked.
This is the country we are now.
Who knows, perhaps, once we’ve “taken back control of our own laws”, other people being sanctioned entirely for Boris Johnson’s own failings will be the standard run of things.
“Prime minister, we’ve had one of the mothers on the phone again. Says it’s your daughter’s birthday. You’ve forgotten. Again.”
“Whoops. Righto. What shall we give her? Custodial or will 100 hours’ community service do?”
Arguably, it was going this way three and a half years ago, when Dominic Cummings threatened ITV with legal action over including Nigel Farage in their EU referendum debate show, telling them there would be “consequences”.
There were, inevitably, no consequences for ITV. Dominic Cummings made a tit of himself, but see also proroguing parliament, the Supreme Court case, refusing to send the withdrawal letter – when a tit makes a tit of itself, there are no consequences either. It is already a tit.
By the time of the second advertising break, a puddle had begun to gather on the floor beneath the Boris Johnson ice sculpture. I am reliably informed the Boris Johnson ice sculpture has already prepared court documents to suppress the puddle’s existence.
By virtue of his own non-attendance, Boris Johnson had created quite literally the exact kind of mess he had himself shown incapable of clearing up from the floor of a flooded optician’s just three weeks ago.
So there you have it. Create a mess that you can’t clear up then blame someone else. Whatever else goes wrong, the metaphors can always be relied upon to write themselves.”
“This election is proving we have the finest democracy in the world. How reassuring that Boris Johnson isn’t turning up. The prime minister doesn’t have time to discuss marginal issues relating to the environment, such as how we continue to have an environment.
It’s the same as if every scientist agreed all the country’s planes, cars, buses, boats and seaside donkeys were on fire. You wouldn’t expect the transport secretary to interrupt his busy schedule to worry about that.
The Conservatives have paid similar attention to detail in other areas, such as their promise to provide 50,000 extra nurses. Nicky Morgan then proudly insisted 19,000 of these extra nurses will be nurses who are already nurses, spending ten minutes on Good Morning Britain, explaining “these 19,000 nurses will still be nurses, so they’ll be extra nurses”.
It’s the same as if I promised to get an extra heart and two extra legs, and tomorrow announced I’d managed it, as long as you included the heart and legs I had to start with, that hadn’t left.
This is how the Conservatives will make us all better off. They’ll introduce a scheme whereby if you have £300 in the bank, tomorrow you will have an extra £300, as long as you include the £300 you started with. Do that every day for a year and you’ll be a millionaire, but Labour don’t want that, because they hate people trying to better themselves.
Then Matt Hancock assured us there are no plans to include the NHS in a trade deal with Donald Trump, because in the document about the trade deal the NHS is only mentioned four times.
So there’s no need to worry, because we all mention things four times in a trade deal when we’ve no intention of including them in a trade deal. If you tell someone “I’m popping up the shops to buy some biscuits, I’ll buy biscuits up the shop, they’ve got biscuits up the shop and I’m buying some, I fancy buying some biscuits”, only an idiot would think that meant you were popping up the shop for some biscuits.
One by one, after each interview, these characters are withdrawn from public view. There will be an announcement that “Jacob Rees-Mogg is out for another two weeks with a groin strain, Nicky Morgan will miss the rest of the season, and 250 other candidates have stress-related issues and are recovering in a secret location until 13 December.”
Johnson is determined to be seen as little as possible, and may even back out of the interview with Andrew Neil that every other leader had to endure.
But to make it fair, there was an item on the news in which Johnson was filmed buttering a scone, during which he was asked whether he put the jam or the cream on first. So all the leaders have been put under the same intense pressure.
This has worked out fairly, because Corbyn is quite reasonably and repeatedly asked to apologise for racism that comes from any Labour member, even if it’s a comment on Twitter from a parish councillor in Bodmin Moor on heavy medication. But it would be outrageous to ask Boris Johnson to apologise for racism expressed by far more marginal Conservative members, such as Boris Johnson.
To add to his list of jolly quips, a column of his has emerged in which he describes the children of single mothers as “ill-raised, aggressive, ignorant and illegitimate”. Some might quibble with the language, but at least it means he plans to be diligent in rooting out these feckless fathers who have children with such abandon they can’t even say how many they have. These bastards will be in trouble if Johnson wins the election.
And when he does speak in public, he always makes an impact. At a press conference he was asked about the fake “Factcheck” account set up by the Conservatives, and his answer, his actual real answer, was, “Um, well I’m afraid that the er the er the um the um the er but what I can say is I’m informed that I haven’t that I um that that that (long pause) that Labour have some sort of operation (long pause) uuuuuuuum um look I haven’t followed this I will I will I will I will I will but when it comes as I say when it comes to trust in politics, and er and er the facts there is one giant fact we continue to to to chase down, there is one like the hunting the snark or or or or or the quest the answer to Fermat’s last theorem or the rhythm of the Sphinx or the Bermuda Triangle er er er er the one the feel we feel the er the er the one fact that we wish to discover the one crouton in the minestrone of the Labour Party.”
What a shame Corbyn can’t be clear and concise like that. This is why we can trust Johnson on Europe: he’s simple to understand. He supported remaining in the EU, then wrote two columns, one in favour of remaining and one for leaving, voted to leave but opposed the deal to leave before supporting the same deal and then telling the DUP his own deal would include no border in Ireland which was true except for the bit about the border in Ireland. Short, simple and snappy – if only Corbyn could manage such clarity.
The problem is Johnson’s so articulate, this may make it difficult to actually Get Brexit Done. Because the negotiations will start with him saying, “with regard to beef quotas, in as of the wardrobe er wardrobe er wardrobe carpe diem as it were Spartans invaded Persia like like er like Pythagoras SMASHING the triangle Jeremy Corbyn more like a hexagon of referenda utter chaos excellent fly-half GET CATTLE DONE”.
Made poor jokes he’s made everywhere else, mentioned the name of his candidate a couple of times, checked off his keywords, made promises he won’t/can’t/has no intention to keep and left.
Next stop – repeat.
Owl asked someone what Jupp is like. “Empty vessel,” he said sadly, “empty vessel”!
Comment on post reposted here:
“Had a leaflet arrive this morning from CCHG setting out (again) the already disposed of untruth that all taxpayers are due a £2400 hike in their taxes with a Corbyn administration. and making the proposal that it is best not to vote Labour.
In tiny writing on the front it says ‘vote for Simon Jupp’ . I had never heard of Simon Jupp until a week ago, and there is no other mention of him on this leaflet, which is impertinent enough to tell me to vote for him. No photo, no CV, no statement of suitability for office, no trace of a policy, no ideas, no website, no email address, no sign that Simon Jupp is a real person, or merits any attention whatever.
So, in order that I should consider voting for this Simon Jupp, who Owl has suggested is not sure who he works (or worked) for, or indeed, who he himself is, I pass on to the Conservative website, where I now see many photos of Simon Jupp, who at first I mistake for a tourist who likes to be photographed with random bystanders in as many places as possible with placards saying he is delivering something – maybe he’s on a zero hours for Hermes or whoever. Then I spot his ‘opinions’ posted with the photos. And it is clear enough he does actually think he is a candidate for election to the constituency of East Devon, I can no longer suppose otherwise. But his ‘views’ are dry recantations of Tory mythologies on Brexit (that they’ll ‘get it done’ – no they won’t), that they have saved community hospitals (no they haven’t – they’ve closed them) and on and on through the formulaic dissembling required of the modern Tory candidate.
I suppose with a record in government as bad as the Tories, there is little else to do bar slag off the opposition, and even that involves conscious deception and willful mendacity. In East Devon we have endured eighteen years of lacklustre representation from someone who was sent here for an easy ride and meal ticket. Simon Jupp looks like another one of those and by God we do not want any more of that. It really is time we voted in someone who knows the place and cares about it. And that is Claire Wright – no question.
The leaflet above did have a ‘return address’ in small on the front. So I duly Pritt Stuck the pages together, marked it ‘return to sender’, rewrote the return address to make it clearer for the posties, and popped it back in the post. Suggest you do the same.”