In tiny writing on the front it says ‘vote for Simon Jupp’ . I had never heard of Simon Jupp until a week ago, and there is no other mention of him on this leaflet, which is impertinent enough to tell me to vote for him. No photo, no CV, no statement of suitability for office, no trace of a policy, no ideas, no website, no email address, no sign that Simon Jupp is a real person, or merits any attention whatever.

So, in order that I should consider voting for this Simon Jupp, who Owl has suggested is not sure who he works (or worked) for, or indeed, who he himself is, I pass on to the Conservative website, where I now see many photos of Simon Jupp, who at first I mistake for a tourist who likes to be photographed with random bystanders in as many places as possible with placards saying he is delivering something – maybe he’s on a zero hours for Hermes or whoever. Then I spot his ‘opinions’ posted with the photos. And it is clear enough he does actually think he is a candidate for election to the constituency of East Devon, I can no longer suppose otherwise. But his ‘views’ are dry recantations of Tory mythologies on Brexit (that they’ll ‘get it done’ – no they won’t), that they have saved community hospitals (no they haven’t – they’ve closed them) and on and on through the formulaic dissembling required of the modern Tory candidate.

I suppose with a record in government as bad as the Tories, there is little else to do bar slag off the opposition, and even that involves conscious deception and willful mendacity. In East Devon we have endured eighteen years of lacklustre representation from someone who was sent here for an easy ride and meal ticket. Simon Jupp looks like another one of those and by God we do not want any more of that. It really is time we voted in someone who knows the place and cares about it. And that is Claire Wright – no question.